10 Easily Overlooked Selection Tips for Novelty Pipes
Hey, let me confess. The first time I became aware of novelty pipes, I wasn’t exactly impressed. The first novelty pipe I came across had a clown head. Now this clown had dreadlocks, and it became easily apparent what this pipe was used for. As I had a few chuckles, and my friends passed it around, we had a good time.
Those were the high times of high school, but hey, novelty pipes are still pipes. They’re still implements and consumer products that you pay money for. Do yourself a big favor and make sure that you get full value for the money that you invest in anything you buy.
Now, if you’re the typical consumer, you’re probably thinking that investment is necessarily connected to stocks and bonds. Not quite. You have to remember that even if you’re buying products that will be obsolete soon or that are intended to be used up, you’re still investing.
How come? You have spent a tremendous amount of money earning those greenbacks that you’re spending. You have to be responsible for the cash that you’re spending because, as your parents probably have told you repeatedly, money doesn’t grow on trees.
It’s not like you’re walking down the street and a hundred dollar bill with Benjamin Franklin’s portrait on it blows past your way. Not all of us live next door to drug dealers, so the possibility of the hundred dollar bill with the Benjamin Franklin portrait landing on your feet is quite remote.
So do yourself a big favor, insist on maximizing the value you get from all pipes you buy and, yes, this includes novelty pipes. They’re supposed to be cute, they’re supposed to be funny, in many cases, they’re supposed to make some sort of personal statement, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that you need to get full value from that purchase.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re giving it away as a gift, it doesn’t matter whether it’s large or small, you need to focus on three things: value, value, value. By paying attention to the 10 selection tips I’m going to explore below, you go a long way in maximizing the value out of every hard earned greenback you spend on novelty pipes.
Is It Practical?
The first thing that you need to expect from a pipe is that it must not only look, but also operate like a typical run of the mill pipe. Otherwise, it is not worth your time nor bother.
Can You Store It Easily?
Novelty pipes look cute and everything, but remember, you’re going to be using that item and, in certain situations, there may be certain police or mall or commercial authorities showing up unexpectedly and you need to store the pipe quickly. In other words, you need to store it in your backpack, your purse, or in your pant pockets.
Can you do it? Just by looking by the pipe, can it be stored easily? If it can’t, you have no business buying that particular pipe, regardless of how innovative or funny its design may be.
Can It Be Cleaned Easily?
I wish I could tell you that the only way people can see that you’re using some sort of smoking implement are the shape, size and other design configurations of your pipe. Well, people do have noses and people do smell resin. Believe me, even if you’re just smoking plain vanilla tobacco, tobacco tar can pack a nasty smell.
Do yourself a big favor and stop smelling like a chimney or some ash tray by insisting that all the pipes that you buy are easily cleaned. If you’re able to pull apart novelty pipes, then those pipes can be easily cleaned.
Is It Light Enough to Use Frequently?
Let me tell you, my best friend gave me a skull pipe for my birthday. We blaze up that pipe when he’s around, but that’s pretty much the only time that I use it. Why? It’s too heavy. It’s like you’re smoking some sort of national monument.
Sure, the smoke is awesome and the draw is nothing short of amazing, but it just seems like it takes too much effort to use. I’m not a very heavy tobacco smoker, and that plays a big role in why I tend to only use that item when my buddy’s around.
So if you are looking to smoke or blaze up frequently, pay attention to the weight of your pipes.
Can You Pack It Away Quickly?
Maybe your girlfriend is not a big fan of tobacco, maybe your parents look down on smoking – whatever issues you may have with the authorities you choose to believe in, you need to pack away your smoking implements. You also need to do it quickly.
Now, when you’re looking at novelty pipes, you can well see that this is not always built in to its design. For example, a Barack Obama head pipe looks all distinguished and amazing. It definitely is a great tool to blaze with, but it’s not exactly easy to pack away. I mean, after all, it has the head of a former head of state of the United States.
Do you see where I’m coming from with this? When buying novelty pipes, especially for yourself, consider how quickly it would be to move from Point A to Point B.
Does It Stay Hot Too Long?
The first time I got burned by a pipe happened when I was using this fairly innocent-looking ceramic pipe. My friends didn’t tell me that it had a metal part that retained heat. I thought I was handling a nice, cold piece of ceramic and then my finger touched the red-hot part, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened next. Ask yourself if the construction of the novelty pipes you are thinking of buying tends to retain heat for a long time.
Does It Draw Smoke Efficiently?
Let’s get one thing clear, the reason why you bought a pipe in the first place is because you want to draw smoke from it. It doesn’t matter whether it has a novelty design. It doesn’t matter how innovative it is. It doesn’t matter what materials it’s made of. Can it do the job? Can it draw smoke efficiently?
If it doesn’t, then chances are, you bought something that’s purely intended as a conversation piece. You definitely don’t have any business trying to smoke from it because you’re going to be wasting your time. So do yourself a big favor and ask yourself if you intend to use the novelty pipe and whether it does the job in the first place.
Can It Facilitate Efficient Burning?
I’ve seen it happen before. Somebody would put stuff in a pipe bowl, light it up, and after half a dozen efforts at burning up the item, quickly replace the bowl, and then start over again. They do this for a few times until they sober up or their remaining brain cells click together and convince them to use a different pipe altogether.
You have to use a pipe that is designed for efficient burning, otherwise, it’s not going to be doing its job well. It might burn the stuff, but you need an efficient burner. You don’t have all the time in the world.
Will It Build Up Resins Too Quickly?
Now, I don’t care whatever you smoke in your pipe. If it’s organic or if it came from sort of plant, it’s going to build up resin. That’s the bottom line.
Now, it can be black resin like in the case of tobacco, or it can be dark brown resin like in the case of cannabis, but it doesn’t matter. Resin is bad news. Resin gunks up the chamber of your pipe and it makes it harder and harder to smoke.
In fact, if you’re lazy, your pipe can be essentially worthless because it just has too much build up and debris. You have to ask yourself whether the pipe is designed in such a way where it allows resins to build up too quickly.
There are many novelty pipes that look awesome. They get you to laugh. Many flat out scare you. But when you try using them, it turns out that you can only use them half a dozen times until you have to basically replace them or spend a tremendous amount of time trying to clean them up.
Can You Find an Exact Replacement Easily?
Last but not least, pay attention to replaceability. Some novelty pipe designs are so novel and so innovative that they are really one of a kind. Or alternatively, they are produced in limited runs. Whatever the case may be, don’t fall in love with the design because chances are, you won’t find a replacement. So do yourself a big favor, if you see yourself using novelty pipes for a long time, factor in replaceability.